so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
