dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
