hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
that may or may not have been my penis.
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