Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
