So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
