You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
