Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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