i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
