We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
