Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
