i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
