Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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