i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You can't motorboat a personality
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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