she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
