oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
3 2 1 whiskey
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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