Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
