He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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