I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
