Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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