Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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