My first STD was from a foam party
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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