you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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