wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
