apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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