does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
