Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
