Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
