One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
