Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
