I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
