I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
