My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
