I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We are all done wearing pants today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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