Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
