the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
