i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
