Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
