I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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