I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
