Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
