You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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