I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
