why didn't you poke me back
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
