You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
