Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
this will be a night to untag.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
