dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
50% drunk capacity currently
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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