This dress was meant to end up on your floor
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We have started to decorate penises.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
