watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
