Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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