I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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