Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
