U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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