On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's never too late to be topless.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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