you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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