dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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