This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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