okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
