I faked an abortion last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
