I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
