Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Randomize
