Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
