This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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