I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
