Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am one with the molecules
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
