just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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